Some days the world seems to get away from you. It is not that anything major is going wrong, just that things don’t connect the way they should. These are the days where you miss appointments or just can’t get what you want done finished. They happen to me more than I would like, might be a little to do with the ADHD but don’t like to carry that crutch. I attempt to put everything in the calendar, with reminder times. I use to do lists and lots of little notes. But sometimes things, even big things, slip through the cracks. Recently it was the chess club championship.
I had the time, I had the desire, but I didn’t have the reminder setup – and it slipped and I failed. I felt horrible … How could I do this? How could I miss this? I missed my son’s devastating 2nd place finish. Missed cheering him on. Missed being his support. Most of all … he missed me doing those things too. I picked him up only to be mortified at myself, double by the fact that he had taken the loss so hard (2nd is so much harder to take than finishing last). Not one of those proud parent moments … damn it! I can do better.
Today I wanted to reverse the failures, I took the day off from contract hunting, interviews, and projects. No, not the whole day, as I can’t ignore other aspects of my life but days like yesterday make me realize that these are important times in life. I have flexible hours at the moment and I won’t always have those. So today I showed up for lunch, I brought ice-cream, and we grabbed a chess set. We played a game at the picnic tables while we ate … just my son and I.
I took advantage of the fact that the school lunch periods are broken up by grade, so I had a chance for quality one-on-one time with both boys. We talked, we discussed, we thought, we learned, we lived.
I wish every day could be like this – but they can’t, it would make these special days not so special. Next year things will change, my oldest enters middle-school. Slowly, I am sure, the desire to “hang with dad” will get less and less. Even now I think back to all those missed moments that I had to work or was tired or dishes needed cleaning … but isn’t that life too. Isn’t that training too?
I tell myself “there are times to live life, and there are times just livings”. Times to seize the moment. Today I was seizing, just happy I could.