Family, Fatherhood

Seize the Moment

No Comments

Chess Board

Some days the world seems to get away from you. It is not that anything major is going wrong, just that things don’t connect the way they should. These are the days where you miss appointments or just can’t get what you want done finished. They happen to me more than I would like, might be a little to do with the ADHD but don’t like to carry that crutch. I attempt to put everything in the calendar, with reminder times. I use to do lists and lots of little notes. But sometimes things, even big things, slip through the cracks. Recently it was the chess club championship.

I had the time, I had the desire, but I didn’t have the reminder setup – and it slipped and I failed. I felt horrible … How could I do this? How could I miss this? I missed my son’s devastating 2nd place finish. Missed cheering him on. Missed being his support. Most of all … he missed me doing those things too. I picked him up only to be mortified at myself, double by the fact that he had taken the loss so hard (2nd is so much harder to take than finishing last). Not one of those proud parent moments … damn it! I can do better.

Today I wanted to reverse the failures, I took the day off from contract hunting, interviews, and projects. No, not the whole day, as I can’t ignore other aspects of my life but days like yesterday make me realize that these are important times in life. I have flexible hours at the moment and I won’t always have those. So today I showed up for lunch, I brought ice-cream, and we grabbed a chess set. We played a game at the picnic tables while we ate … just my son and I.

I took advantage of the fact that the school lunch periods are broken up by grade, so I had a chance for quality one-on-one time with both boys. We talked, we discussed, we thought, we learned, we lived.

I wish every day could be like this – but they can’t, it would make these special days not so special. Next year things will change, my oldest enters middle-school. Slowly, I am sure, the desire to “hang with dad” will get less and less. Even now I think back to all those missed moments that I had to work or was tired or dishes needed cleaning … but isn’t that life too. Isn’t that training too?

I tell myself “there are times to live life, and there are times just livings”. Times to seize the moment. Today I was seizing, just happy I could.

Fatherhood

Little Johnny

No Comments

Got a call from my 10-yr old son this week, seems he had a joke he needed to needed to tell me. It was about this little boy named Johnny and a play ground conversation he was having with another female friend … and it was a prime example of his introduction into sexuality.

I imagine most of us remember these types of jokes. We heard them, we laughed at them, and we re-told them. As a child of a conservative home, the one joke that has stuck with me involved a little green jeep and a carport (let your mind wonder if you don’t know it). I heard them on the bus ride home, in the locker room, or at sporting events. There are many of these types of jokes, The Adventures of Little Johnny, and I think they are important to the aging of our children.

Photo from www.jolynneshane.com
Photo from www.jolynneshane.com

Lets face it, none of us parents really want to discuss the birds and the bees with our kids. We cringe at the thought of our daughters going out on a date with a boy, or discovering magazines under the bed in our ‘little’ boys room. Most of of don’t have the stomach to actually sit down and talk about the pleasures, the heart aches, the problems, and the details of sex with our children. Heck, we even call it the ‘birds and the bees’ talk! Yet, the kids are growing up and their bodies ARE changing.

The discovery really comes from friends and it comes from experimentation … excuse me while I untwist my stomach … ok, that is a bit better.

10 years old … grade 5 … memories of my own exploration into this world are still with me today. Finding the “Joy of Sex” book on my parents bookshelf. Finding aspects of the Sears catalog strangely more appealing. And of course, the sexual jokes told around school – as there are always those children that are just a wee bit more worldly.

But these are the introductions to a brave new world, they start the questions, they start the curiosity that leads to dating. The desire of relationships. Over the next few years I would start to hide photos of women from my parents and start playing with the sexual desires starting to build in me. Of course, I could never really discuss this with my parents … cause who wants to do that??

At them moment he is still bringing them up with us, his parents, which I take as a positive sign. It gives us the chance to open the conversation up with him.

Supplemental

Daddy

No Comments

Poem by Veronika J.
Published on February 2008

It happened 6 months ago
Though it seems like yesterday
I remember it clearly
It was a cold autumn day
You told me you loved me
Then left through the door
3 bags and a suitcase was all you carried
As you got in your car and drove more and more
Wet tears ran down my cheek
As I heard your last car beep
I knew the fun times and the games were over
No more kisses at night no more bear hugs when I’m sober
No more laughing in front of a warm blazing fire
No none of that because you’re a cold hearted liar
For 13 years you only cheated and swore
You weren’t the daddy figure I would adore
You tried your best to be a good dad
But somehow at the end of the day I would end up being sad
When I was younger it was easier
I was put into a your arms and you held me tight
You would never let go if I were scared at night
But all those moments are just pale memories
Because of you I was left on the bottom of a hole
I had to find my own way out.
It wasn’t easy but I survived
Because my mum and my sister were by my side
I have just one more thing to say
As you live with your new wife, just remember
You gave a 13-year-old girl life
And it doesn’t matter what you feel or did
She is still your little kid.

Source: Family Friend Poems